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BILLIE FUCKING PIPER
Since my wee little netbook decided it was going to work again, I now have recovered my fic in progress. Um, obviously it's still "in progress" but I think it's actually a pretty nice Part 1 at the moment, and since I AM IMPATIENT AND WANT FEEDBACK NAO I am going to post it as such!

Title: Xenoflora
Author: Irrealia
Characters/Pairings: Eleven/Amy, Amy/Rory (conspicuous in Rory's absence)
Rating: XXX
Summary: Sex pollen. Literally. This is not a nice story. Warnings for dubious consent.
Author's Notes: Set in S5 between Cold Blood and Vincent and the Doctor. Inspired by the seasonal blooming of cumflower trees in my city. The tree in this story is based off Ailanthus altissima, a real tree, invasive outside its native Asia, that really does stink of cum, and is rather hilariously known as the Tree of Heaven. 

** 

The Great Museum Tour of 2010 dragged on. Amy Pond dragged her feet. 

Stop sulking Pond. The Doctor crossed his arms over his chest and appraised her. Hair half in her face, slouched posture, eyes trained on her feet. Bit more than a sulk, most likely; in the absence of Rory, Amy was sadder than she could ever remember, and yet couldn't even properly remember that she was sad. What did humans want when sad? He wasn’t good with sad.

There's a garden section of the museum, for botanists, he offered. Amy did not look enthused, so he elaborated. Flowers. Extinct species, recreated from the DNA up. Preserved only here. He leaned in to her, gently brushed her hair off her face. Come along, Pond. Let's get out of the dust.

**

It was a warm clear night, with plenty of moonlight from the three moons dancing through the sky. The gardens were immaculately tended, and most of the flowers were beautifulor at least, beautiful in their strangeness. Colours Amy had seen only in dreams; hideous creations that looked hallucinatory. Velvety textures, protective spiky bits, every imaginable enticement to touch and enjoy, but not harm. Amazing perfumes and hideous stinksthough that assessment doubtless depended on who was smelling.

They stopped for a moment in front of a young little tree with fern-like branches and little green flowers that almost blended in to the leaves, remarkable primarily for how plain it was in comparison to the rest of the museum’s specimens. Ailanthus extraterrestrialis, said the Doctor. Named by botanists from Earth who noticed its resemblance to more familiar flora. Wonder what it’s doing here?

Doctor, that can't be right. Amy’s face was all scrunched up when he turned to look at her. It smells like...

Like what, Pond?

Like, you know what like! She smacked him on the arm, cheeks growing flushed.

Like the semen of a number of similar although unrelated intelligent bipedal species across the Via Galactica, says right here on the helpful little sign by the tree. Which is also how I knew what it was. He continued reading: “‘Unlike many extinct species, A. extraterrestrialis was intentionally eradicated due to the profound sexual arousal and attendant health and safety difficulties that pollen exposure provoked in these species. We have recreated this specimen for research into the cause and prevention of this phenomenon. We encourage visitors who find themselves adversely affected by contact with A. extraterrestrialis to contact museum staff as soon as possible.’ Well, good thing Time Lords don’t seem to be affected, since I can’t smell a thing. How are you doing, Pond? Keen to help the nice exobotanists? It's for science!

I'll show you science, slurred Amy, falling onto him with a limp haplessness that was probably intended to be a seductive pounce.

There was a helpful button labelled “Call museum staff” below the placard describing the noxious little tree, and an intercom. He pressed the button. The intercom bleated out a sad little message. “Thank you for contacting the exobotany department in regards to Ailanthus extraterrestrialis exposure. Unfortunately, as the museum is closed for the Feast of Revolutionary Virtues, we are not able to offer our assistance at this time. We encourage you to seek professional medical assistance as soon as possible.” 

This was very, very not good.

**



Getting Amy back to the TARDIS was more than a challenge. She could walk, with help, but her limbs were slack and heavy, her face flushed, her eyes glazed over. Her whole body was hot, burning, and he was keenly aware of it, because she was pressed against him as fully as she could be while still being able to move her feet. She was babbling. Want you, she said. It was something of a theme. Want you. Bed now. I kissed you. Remember? I kissed you. Let's do that again. More kissing. More everything. Want you. Want you so much. Ever since I was little. Ever since you came back. Want you. Need you. Doctor. Please. Kiss me? Please... And she was pressing kisses onto his shoulder, half-grinding against him even as he kept her on her feet and moving forward.  

He eased them both through the doors and into the control room, planted Amy gently but firmly onto the jump seat, and buckled the seatbelt. He hoped that would keep her steady for long enough for him to formulate some kind of response. He started scanning the TARDIS files for information about Ailanthus extraterrestrialis. The existence of a tree that could make humans aroused and intoxicated was improbable but not, on the whole, impossible. Flowers were sexual organs; pollen was sex.

The TARDIS biological and medical databases didn't have much in the way of information beyond what he’d learned at the museum and what he could just as easily have observed by looking at Amy. Not that he was looking at Amy, because judging from the noises she was making, she was probably doing some things he wasn’t prepared to face just yet. Messy things. Human things.

He used to be so much more human.

The most notable feature of exposure to A. extraterrestrialis pollen was acute and uncontrollable sexual arousal. Left untreated, it could cause extreme physical discomfort due to either the very high levels of bloodflow to the genitals, or damage to them caused by... overexercise.

Well then.

Other symptoms varied depending on species. Amy's other symptomsfever and alcohol-like intoxicationwere fairly typical for human exposure. No cure for the effects had been found, with the exception of an antidote to the pollen known to work on a human-like race from somewhere in the galactic centre. In general, treatment protocols focused on alleviating symptoms like swelling, fever, and nausea, while waiting for the arousal to subside. Pollen-affected individuals generally exhibited symptoms for approximately 24 hours.  

Well then. He could do that, surely. Take care of an overexcited Amelia Pond for 24 hourswell, 23 hours nowwithout doing anything they'd regret in the morning. Couldn't he?

He turned to Amy. She didn't look nearly as indecent or dishevelled as he expected based on the constant stream of soft moans coming from her. She was stroking her breasts through the soft jersey of her jumper with one hand, and fondling her thighs with the other, trying and failing to get her right hand under her short skirt. 

She perked up when she noticed that he’d turned around, and looked up at him with bright, mad eyes. Doctor, do you think you could undo the seatbelt for me? S’getting in the way.

He took her hands instead.

Amelia. Amelia, please listen to me. You're sick right now, very sick. I know you don't feel sick, but you’re not quite yourself, so you have to trust me. Remember how I asked you to trust me for 20 minutes?

Amy nodded, looking rather serious.

Trust me for a day, Amelia Pond. Just one day, until you're better.

She nodded again. Then she slid her hands up his arms, grabbed the lapels of his jacket, and pulled him towards her with surprising strength, straight into a kiss. His arms landed on the back of the jump seat, and one knee wedged between her legs. He kissed back for a minute, reflexively. Her lips were soft, her tongue slipped into his mouth. Her breasts pressed up against him, and the space between her legs burned hotter than the rest of her. She ground against him purposefully, jolting him out of the realm of pleasant sensations, and he pulled back from her sharply.  

She made a somewhat frightening whine at the loss of contact, and then started babbling again. Doctor. Doctor! Why do they call you that? Doctor. Make me better Doctor.  

I will, Amy. He stroked a hand softly down her cheek, and she leaned into the contact, desperate for anything. I promise you.

Want you. Doctor. Kiss it better? Want you.

Oh Amelia. Kisses possess neither anti-inflammatory nor anti-pyretic properties. I'm afraid it'll have to be garden-variety aspirin for you. Up we go. He unfastened the seatbelt, and helped Amy to stand again, leaning heavily against him. Off to the infirmary.


To be continued!!

Comments

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
a_phoenixdragon
Jul. 29th, 2011 11:03 am (UTC)
WANT MORE NAO!!

*Is also demanding and impatient, lol!*

*HUGS*
irrealia
Jul. 29th, 2011 11:05 am (UTC)
Thank you! THERE WILL BE MORE :D Never fear!
the_willows
Jul. 29th, 2011 01:20 pm (UTC)
This a very interesting start. And I like the attention to detail with the plant! :D

I look forward to more, because I just know I'm going to like this story even more as it unfolds... ♥
irrealia
Jul. 31st, 2011 03:34 am (UTC)
Thank you! I can only hope it lives up to your expectations. :)

ETA: I'm glad you like the attention to detail with the plant, since that was basically my idea when I started writing it. What if there was vaguely realistic sex pollen?

Edited at 2011-07-31 03:36 am (UTC)
heintz57
Jul. 30th, 2011 02:05 am (UTC)
Oh wow now this is getting exciting looking forward to finding out how the Doctor is going to take care of Amy.
irrealia
Aug. 10th, 2011 03:57 pm (UTC)
Hehehe, I'm sorting that out right now! (Thank you!)
websofseaweed
Jul. 30th, 2011 05:06 am (UTC)
Nommm! This is delicious so far :D Can't wait for the next bit!
irrealia
Aug. 10th, 2011 03:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you for saying nice things!! Part 2 has officially been started :)
obscure_musical
Aug. 1st, 2011 01:20 pm (UTC)
Wonderful WIP. More please?
irrealia
Aug. 10th, 2011 03:59 pm (UTC)
Thank you! YES. Inspiration and insomnia finally came together to make the next part happen, so YAY. THERE WILL BE MORE.
deadlybeauty32
Aug. 1st, 2011 05:40 pm (UTC)
-flails-
Agree with all the above. Moar! :D Lovely lovely lovely. I love Amy's babbling. xD
irrealia
Aug. 10th, 2011 04:00 pm (UTC)
Aww, I made you flail! Flailing is the highest praise I could ask for. Thank you! There will be more!
whovianmuse
Aug. 2nd, 2011 03:31 am (UTC)
You, my dear, are brilliant. I love seeing interesting twists to kink meme favorites. This was lovely and heartbreaking and hilarious all at once and I am impatiently awaiting the second part =^_^=
irrealia
Aug. 10th, 2011 04:03 pm (UTC)
Awwww, thank you darling! I've always found the whole sex pollen concept to be pretty hysterical, myself, like, here is a totally out of character reason for two people to get it on! So I guess by saying I wanted to write a "realistic" sex pollen fic, I think I meant an in-character one with like, some feelings and thought and angst and seriously AWKWARD sexytimes (that are hopefully still hot).

Sex and angst: two great tastes that taste great together...
whovianmuse
Aug. 11th, 2011 12:30 am (UTC)
Exactly! Yes to all of this. Which is why your take on this is fantastic, because it actually has substance and meaning and emotion and most importantly: angsty, confused, awkwardly adorable smut.

<3
Beth Kita
Aug. 3rd, 2011 09:45 am (UTC)
Aww! Such a great start! You have a fantastic writing style! Awesome descriptions, and I agree with those above, Amy's babbling and the Doctor's in character care & awkwardness. I'm cheering on Amy here!
irrealia
Aug. 10th, 2011 04:04 pm (UTC)
Oh thank you! These are such kind words and they mean lots. There will be lots more care and awkwardness, I promise!
janeausten4ever
Sep. 4th, 2011 03:07 am (UTC)
Basically, you're an amazing writer
I just thought you should know that I've included this AMAZING fic in a list of my top ten favorite Amy/Eleven fics. That's how good it was. I mean, I read a LOTTTT of Amy/Eleven, so this is saying a lot.

In case you wand to see it, the link is http://brokenheartedshipper.tumblr.com/post/9771970947/10-best-amy-eleven-fanfics

Keep being awesome! And by the way, have you written a next chapter yet???
irrealia
Sep. 5th, 2011 02:52 pm (UTC)
Re: Basically, you're an amazing writer
Hello wonderful and kind reader! I am so so flattered! There IS a part 2, more or less written actually, that I whipped out while suffering from jetlag over vacation a couple weeks back, and have yet to go back and reread. It is coming....!

In the meantime, if it amuses you, I do have a bit more in the way of Eleven/Amy posted here or at AO3. :)
shyfoxling
Feb. 1st, 2012 06:28 am (UTC)
Oh, sad. Despite what you say in http://irrealia.livejournal.com/10909.html?thread=57501#t57501, it looks like there isn't actually any more of this?
( 20 comments — Leave a comment )